At what point do you realize you need to change the way you parent? You’ve gotta admit there’s at least one time you needed to step back and try a different approach in how you teach your kids the things you do. So when is an appropriate time to check yourself?
I’ve been told by some that I make motherhood look easy however I’ll be the first to let you know it’s not. You know what is easy though is failure, and disappointment. Also feeling like you should probably just give up. But you know what…it’s human freakin nature to feel the way you do. The way you feel is valid and true and what Ive personally learned in how to justify those feelings is to always be honest and own up to what I have said and how I said it. I apologize to my kids and I also believe every parent should when they’ve been wrong because you’re not always right no matter how old your kid is and no matter how much experience you have. One way I know I need to check myself is when my kids do or say things I do to their siblings vs what they do/say to me. Theeenn i gotta step back and evaluate where the misunderstandings lie.
As a mom showing my vulnerability to my kids is sensitive. How do I appropriately approach situations or problems when my kids aren’t listening or when my form of discipline isn’t working? Honestly how on earth am I supposed to know when something has lasted long enough to be effective especially with kids of different ages? There are some things she can do that he can’t and there are some things I want each one to do specifically that the other two already know how to do. I find myself saying “because you already know how to do _____, and now I’m teaching ______ to do it too,” over and over daily. Like dang, did I say your name?? I have to take mini breather break which are just three good long deep breaths on the spot several times a day. It helps drastically also every now and then I have to excuse myself and just take a minute to myself. I’m open with my kids and let them know what I’m doing and showing them how after a moment to yourself you can come back and try again. It shows, and what a beautiful sight to see your own kids take their moment or mini breather breaks to figure out what needs to be done. It’s not all the time however it’s happening and I can say I’m successful in that they’re learning it’s okay to pause for a second and gather yourself when there’s an issue.
By no means am I saying this makes up for all of motherhood, it’s honestly a small glimpse compared to the overwhelming and rewarding feelings you have raising your babies. It’s fulfilling knowing I’m raising some outspoken courageous and bold tiny humans. I encourage all kind of feelings while also trying to teach them to remain valid and humble with their words and actions. I love seeing how they implement what I teach them into their lives not relating to me. My daughter often checks herself too. I love that. She will say something to her brother and if he starts to cry (he’s going through a everything is mine phase) she turns and asks me “that’s okay right mom? I’m telling him how I feel nicely. I don’t like what he did to me.” That shit right there has me dancing on my toes! My son does this as well by saying things like “ that hurts my feelings” or “I don’t want to play right now.” I’m just over here gleaming. Pay attention to HOW you teach your kids how you would like them to be. We all want to raise decent humans so check yourself, and do it often because what you do and how you say things reflects onto your kiddos.
I don’t know how many parts this will be, but this is to keep me accountable.
Alright so, I’ll just be completely honest here this blog idea was great in the beginning and I was also trying to figure out why I wanted to start a blog in the first place. Was it because I wanted to turn into this well known writer (lol..just no) or did I want to generate income-okay but who wouldn’t? After taking some time to meditate on this I realize it was a way to organize and record my personal thoughts and growth through my life. I know I could keep it personal, I know I could write it in a journal but the way I’m set up, those things get lost weekly. I think I need a fanny pack for them so I never lose them, but then the fanny pack will get in the way so I’ll need to take it off then BAM! Lost, fanny pack, journal and probably chapstick. I can’t lose my blog! To the people I know, I’m a pretty open book so writing here is a little fitting. So, here I am creating this whole blog…for me. 🙂 Follow me on this goal setting journey.
How the hell do I blog? Is there a right or wrong way? Whatever I’m just going to do it my way anyhow. So my goal for this blog up until my next subscription is to work on my content everyday for 2 hours a day while also posting content twice a week. Right now it’s Sundays and Thursday. I’ve joined this new group that’s been challenging me to seriously envision my goals. Since building a blog has been on my mind I decided to make my goal exactly that. They’ve asked things like what does your goal feel like? Where are you when you achieve your goal? And honestly some more questions along the lines of sophomore writing prompts. I had to take this with a grain of salt because back in high school I gave no fucks. I went all in and I don’t regret it one bit. These questions really made me view my future with this blog with the kind of support and people I want around who also support me well. Not to brag but I have a pretty amazing support system, I HIGHLY recommend setting up your support system to help you reach your future. In my future (which for the time limit I’ve given myself is a little less than a year) I see obviously my kids and husband in the same house, my closest of friends, I believe that I will gain more interaction with people who catch my vibes and thus opening up opportunities to meet people from all over the world. I also believe that this won’t feel forced but rewarding as well as heartwarming. I’m hoping to make connections with you, my friends, family, or even a deeper connection with people I know.
In this goal setting segment they talk about changing how I see my problems because if you change how you react to your problems your solutions will then change. So instead of making excuses for myself like “I don’t have time, I’m too busy”- those are my favorites, I needed to change this mindset and my lazy response in helping ME out. I asked myself ‘What about TIME is specifically the problem for me?’ It was letting myself become too free flowing in my day. It doesn’t take me 20 minutes to make a cup of coffee nor does it take that time to wash my face in the morning. My bestest friend Violet says “move with a purpose” and I couldn’t agree more! Put the damn creamer in the cup Pearl and get a move on it we got shit to do. I wrote down what we do everyday from the time we wake up to the time we all go to bed and I’ve set time restrictions for myself and the things we do. Reasonably of course. Let me tell ya, I feel I have an extra two hours in my day just by doing so. It feels good at the end of the night I don’t have m o r e to do cause ya girl be tired. I also had to ask myself “would this be a problem if I started my blog at a different time, a problem if different people were in my life, a problem if my intentions were different?” Okay wow I’ve never asked myself this ever. These questions were helpful in that they put into perspective of why I gave the excuses I did and help me strategize a plan to get to where I want to be. I figured out my WHY (have you figured out yours?) so with that I feel so much more confident in pursing my goal. It comes more naturally now instead of “ugh i don’t waaaannnaaa”. I seriously recommend you take some time and sit down and write down a few goals for yourself that has either been sitting in the back of your mind or something that you’re having trouble pursuing. Ask yourself some challenging questions like above cause i guarantee you’re going to answer some questions and then you’ll erase that after you see it on paper you’ll be like- uhh no thats not what I want. I’m rooting for you.
What really set in with me and hit my heart was whether or not your belief about yourself is positive or negative you will have the evidence to support it. I changed my “I don’t have time, I’m too busy” to “I can find time to do what is important to me”. Please go out and reframe your beliefs that are keeping you from your goals. If you think that you suck then you will also have the feelings to support that. Change can be rewarding especially if you have a plan for it.