Check please?

Listen, I give you about three chances to get your shit together when it comes to having a role in my life because I like to give YOU the benefit of the doubt and I also believe you cannot change over night. When I check you the first time, it’s polite and neutral because quite simply put, you just didn’t know. The second time I’m passive….yet respectful; which I think is fair because you’ve already been told. Lastly, I’m not even telling you that we’re done being friendly. Depending on the situation at hand I’ve deleted every existence you’ve had in my life or you’re getting no more than 5 words out of me. I choose to allow YOU to be apart of my life however you choose if you want to stay. Then there’s those rare occasional times where you just gotta stop everything from this point forward and just exit, stage left.

Let’s face it, there are some people in our lives that are truly just ignorant as fuck. Sometimes people are just in our lives for a season to drop us one lesson so we can say never fucking again. My previous blog talked about checking yourself, now its time to check those you allow in your life. All I have to say is (ha, I’ve got more to say) that person who’s always bringing you down, negative, something always goes wrong when you’re with them, people that can’t stop brining up your mistakes or your past, or you find yourself having to constantly uplift them so that you BOTH can have a good time..NEEDS TO BOUNCE! You’ve done this I know you have because as soon as you ended that season, you got the freshest breath of fresh air. Okay but I get it because some of those people are dear to you and have touched your heart but how long will your heart and mental health keep suffering before you lose it? If I feel like my energy is constantly drained when just speaking to you I honestly just have to stop talking to you. I’ve worked hard on maintaining my own energy and mental sanity that I can’t allow an outside energy source to drain it. “Good vibes only” and I’m protecting mine!

Whether your relationship with a toxic person is with your parents or best friend, it’s always appropriate to let them know that their actions affect you. Don’t go changing (-to try and please me-) them because that’s not realistic however by being open and honest you’re able to respectfully tackle the problem together. For example, if you’ve had a traumatic event happen to you which is trigger by certain topics and your friend consistently brings said topic up or refers to it, you need to check them. “Hey you know this hurts me a great deal and although you have a right to talk about what you want, when we’re together could you not bring it up?”. Simply, if they care for you they will do it. You don’t not have to have a suffering relationship with this person just because maybe they did something for you or you’ve had this relationship for a long time. YOU DON’T OWE THEM SHIT! Especially at the cost of your sanity. I’ve cut off many people in my life with no regrets and no shame because it would have damaged my mental health rather than help our relationship thrive. Soon what if you lose them out of your life? You have only an idea of what your future will look like, do you really want to include that in your vision? What helped me get over my ban of people was coming up with a mantra “I vibe higher than that” and truly I do. My time is getting so precious, I have littles to raise and what do I look like welcoming something that is going to affect my family and I? Nah, not ever. I’m a big protector of my energy, my space, my mentality and I advocate that as well. You deserve the right to a safe supportive space, don’t jeopardize that with toxic people. Now more than ever would be an ideal time to review the relationships in your life and even explore on some new ones. Some people are only around for a short time while others along time yet a long time doesn’t have to be from the past. And besides, could it be that all losses aren’t bad?

That was easy.

At what point do you realize you need to change the way you parent? You’ve gotta admit there’s at least one time you needed to step back and try a different approach in how you teach your kids the things you do. So when is an appropriate time to check yourself?

I’ve been told by some that I make motherhood look easy however I’ll be the first to let you know it’s not. You know what is easy though is failure, and disappointment. Also feeling like you should probably just give up. But you know what…it’s human freakin nature to feel the way you do. The way you feel is valid and true and what Ive personally learned in how to justify those feelings is to always be honest and own up to what I have said and how I said it. I apologize to my kids and I also believe every parent should when they’ve been wrong because you’re not always right no matter how old your kid is and no matter how much experience you have. One way I know I need to check myself is when my kids do or say things I do to their siblings vs what they do/say to me. Theeenn i gotta step back and evaluate where the misunderstandings lie.

As a mom showing my vulnerability to my kids is sensitive. How do I appropriately approach situations or problems when my kids aren’t listening or when my form of discipline isn’t working? Honestly how on earth am I supposed to know when something has lasted long enough to be effective especially with kids of different ages? There are some things she can do that he can’t and there are some things I want each one to do specifically that the other two already know how to do. I find myself saying “because you already know how to do _____, and now I’m teaching ______ to do it too,” over and over daily. Like dang, did I say your name?? I have to take mini breather break which are just three good long deep breaths on the spot several times a day. It helps drastically also every now and then I have to excuse myself and just take a minute to myself. I’m open with my kids and let them know what I’m doing and showing them how after a moment to yourself you can come back and try again. It shows, and what a beautiful sight to see your own kids take their moment or mini breather breaks to figure out what needs to be done. It’s not all the time however it’s happening and I can say I’m successful in that they’re learning it’s okay to pause for a second and gather yourself when there’s an issue.

By no means am I saying this makes up for all of motherhood, it’s honestly a small glimpse compared to the overwhelming and rewarding feelings you have raising your babies. It’s fulfilling knowing I’m raising some outspoken courageous and bold tiny humans. I encourage all kind of feelings while also trying to teach them to remain valid and humble with their words and actions. I love seeing how they implement what I teach them into their lives not relating to me. My daughter often checks herself too. I love that. She will say something to her brother and if he starts to cry (he’s going through a everything is mine phase) she turns and asks me “that’s okay right mom? I’m telling him how I feel nicely. I don’t like what he did to me.” That shit right there has me dancing on my toes! My son does this as well by saying things like “ that hurts my feelings” or “I don’t want to play right now.” I’m just over here gleaming. Pay attention to HOW you teach your kids how you would like them to be. We all want to raise decent humans so check yourself, and do it often because what you do and how you say things reflects onto your kiddos.