Check please?

Listen, I give you about three chances to get your shit together when it comes to having a role in my life because I like to give YOU the benefit of the doubt and I also believe you cannot change over night. When I check you the first time, it’s polite and neutral because quite simply put, you just didn’t know. The second time I’m passive….yet respectful; which I think is fair because you’ve already been told. Lastly, I’m not even telling you that we’re done being friendly. Depending on the situation at hand I’ve deleted every existence you’ve had in my life or you’re getting no more than 5 words out of me. I choose to allow YOU to be apart of my life however you choose if you want to stay. Then there’s those rare occasional times where you just gotta stop everything from this point forward and just exit, stage left.

Let’s face it, there are some people in our lives that are truly just ignorant as fuck. Sometimes people are just in our lives for a season to drop us one lesson so we can say never fucking again. My previous blog talked about checking yourself, now its time to check those you allow in your life. All I have to say is (ha, I’ve got more to say) that person who’s always bringing you down, negative, something always goes wrong when you’re with them, people that can’t stop brining up your mistakes or your past, or you find yourself having to constantly uplift them so that you BOTH can have a good time..NEEDS TO BOUNCE! You’ve done this I know you have because as soon as you ended that season, you got the freshest breath of fresh air. Okay but I get it because some of those people are dear to you and have touched your heart but how long will your heart and mental health keep suffering before you lose it? If I feel like my energy is constantly drained when just speaking to you I honestly just have to stop talking to you. I’ve worked hard on maintaining my own energy and mental sanity that I can’t allow an outside energy source to drain it. “Good vibes only” and I’m protecting mine!

Whether your relationship with a toxic person is with your parents or best friend, it’s always appropriate to let them know that their actions affect you. Don’t go changing (-to try and please me-) them because that’s not realistic however by being open and honest you’re able to respectfully tackle the problem together. For example, if you’ve had a traumatic event happen to you which is trigger by certain topics and your friend consistently brings said topic up or refers to it, you need to check them. “Hey you know this hurts me a great deal and although you have a right to talk about what you want, when we’re together could you not bring it up?”. Simply, if they care for you they will do it. You don’t not have to have a suffering relationship with this person just because maybe they did something for you or you’ve had this relationship for a long time. YOU DON’T OWE THEM SHIT! Especially at the cost of your sanity. I’ve cut off many people in my life with no regrets and no shame because it would have damaged my mental health rather than help our relationship thrive. Soon what if you lose them out of your life? You have only an idea of what your future will look like, do you really want to include that in your vision? What helped me get over my ban of people was coming up with a mantra “I vibe higher than that” and truly I do. My time is getting so precious, I have littles to raise and what do I look like welcoming something that is going to affect my family and I? Nah, not ever. I’m a big protector of my energy, my space, my mentality and I advocate that as well. You deserve the right to a safe supportive space, don’t jeopardize that with toxic people. Now more than ever would be an ideal time to review the relationships in your life and even explore on some new ones. Some people are only around for a short time while others along time yet a long time doesn’t have to be from the past. And besides, could it be that all losses aren’t bad?

That was easy.

At what point do you realize you need to change the way you parent? You’ve gotta admit there’s at least one time you needed to step back and try a different approach in how you teach your kids the things you do. So when is an appropriate time to check yourself?

I’ve been told by some that I make motherhood look easy however I’ll be the first to let you know it’s not. You know what is easy though is failure, and disappointment. Also feeling like you should probably just give up. But you know what…it’s human freakin nature to feel the way you do. The way you feel is valid and true and what Ive personally learned in how to justify those feelings is to always be honest and own up to what I have said and how I said it. I apologize to my kids and I also believe every parent should when they’ve been wrong because you’re not always right no matter how old your kid is and no matter how much experience you have. One way I know I need to check myself is when my kids do or say things I do to their siblings vs what they do/say to me. Theeenn i gotta step back and evaluate where the misunderstandings lie.

As a mom showing my vulnerability to my kids is sensitive. How do I appropriately approach situations or problems when my kids aren’t listening or when my form of discipline isn’t working? Honestly how on earth am I supposed to know when something has lasted long enough to be effective especially with kids of different ages? There are some things she can do that he can’t and there are some things I want each one to do specifically that the other two already know how to do. I find myself saying “because you already know how to do _____, and now I’m teaching ______ to do it too,” over and over daily. Like dang, did I say your name?? I have to take mini breather break which are just three good long deep breaths on the spot several times a day. It helps drastically also every now and then I have to excuse myself and just take a minute to myself. I’m open with my kids and let them know what I’m doing and showing them how after a moment to yourself you can come back and try again. It shows, and what a beautiful sight to see your own kids take their moment or mini breather breaks to figure out what needs to be done. It’s not all the time however it’s happening and I can say I’m successful in that they’re learning it’s okay to pause for a second and gather yourself when there’s an issue.

By no means am I saying this makes up for all of motherhood, it’s honestly a small glimpse compared to the overwhelming and rewarding feelings you have raising your babies. It’s fulfilling knowing I’m raising some outspoken courageous and bold tiny humans. I encourage all kind of feelings while also trying to teach them to remain valid and humble with their words and actions. I love seeing how they implement what I teach them into their lives not relating to me. My daughter often checks herself too. I love that. She will say something to her brother and if he starts to cry (he’s going through a everything is mine phase) she turns and asks me “that’s okay right mom? I’m telling him how I feel nicely. I don’t like what he did to me.” That shit right there has me dancing on my toes! My son does this as well by saying things like “ that hurts my feelings” or “I don’t want to play right now.” I’m just over here gleaming. Pay attention to HOW you teach your kids how you would like them to be. We all want to raise decent humans so check yourself, and do it often because what you do and how you say things reflects onto your kiddos.

pt. 1 Goal setting

I don’t know how many parts this will be, but this is to keep me accountable.

Alright so, I’ll just be completely honest here this blog idea was great in the beginning and I was also trying to figure out why I wanted to start a blog in the first place. Was it because I wanted to turn into this well known writer (lol..just no) or did I want to generate income-okay but who wouldn’t? After taking some time to meditate on this I realize it was a way to organize and record my personal thoughts and growth through my life. I know I could keep it personal, I know I could write it in a journal but the way I’m set up, those things get lost weekly. I think I need a fanny pack for them so I never lose them, but then the fanny pack will get in the way so I’ll need to take it off then BAM! Lost, fanny pack, journal and probably chapstick. I can’t lose my blog! To the people I know, I’m a pretty open book so writing here is a little fitting. So, here I am creating this whole blog…for me. 🙂 Follow me on this goal setting journey.

How the hell do I blog? Is there a right or wrong way? Whatever I’m just going to do it my way anyhow. So my goal for this blog up until my next subscription is to work on my content everyday for 2 hours a day while also posting content twice a week. Right now it’s Sundays and Thursday. I’ve joined this new group that’s been challenging me to seriously envision my goals. Since building a blog has been on my mind I decided to make my goal exactly that. They’ve asked things like what does your goal feel like? Where are you when you achieve your goal? And honestly some more questions along the lines of sophomore writing prompts. I had to take this with a grain of salt because back in high school I gave no fucks. I went all in and I don’t regret it one bit. These questions really made me view my future with this blog with the kind of support and people I want around who also support me well. Not to brag but I have a pretty amazing support system, I HIGHLY recommend setting up your support system to help you reach your future. In my future (which for the time limit I’ve given myself is a little less than a year) I see obviously my kids and husband in the same house, my closest of friends, I believe that I will gain more interaction with people who catch my vibes and thus opening up opportunities to meet people from all over the world. I also believe that this won’t feel forced but rewarding as well as heartwarming. I’m hoping to make connections with you, my friends, family, or even a deeper connection with people I know.

In this goal setting segment they talk about changing how I see my problems because if you change how you react to your problems your solutions will then change. So instead of making excuses for myself like “I don’t have time, I’m too busy”- those are my favorites, I needed to change this mindset and my lazy response in helping ME out. I asked myself ‘What about TIME is specifically the problem for me?’ It was letting myself become too free flowing in my day. It doesn’t take me 20 minutes to make a cup of coffee nor does it take that time to wash my face in the morning. My bestest friend Violet says “move with a purpose” and I couldn’t agree more! Put the damn creamer in the cup Pearl and get a move on it we got shit to do. I wrote down what we do everyday from the time we wake up to the time we all go to bed and I’ve set time restrictions for myself and the things we do. Reasonably of course. Let me tell ya, I feel I have an extra two hours in my day just by doing so. It feels good at the end of the night I don’t have m o r e to do cause ya girl be tired. I also had to ask myself “would this be a problem if I started my blog at a different time, a problem if different people were in my life, a problem if my intentions were different?” Okay wow I’ve never asked myself this ever. These questions were helpful in that they put into perspective of why I gave the excuses I did and help me strategize a plan to get to where I want to be. I figured out my WHY (have you figured out yours?) so with that I feel so much more confident in pursing my goal. It comes more naturally now instead of “ugh i don’t waaaannnaaa”. I seriously recommend you take some time and sit down and write down a few goals for yourself that has either been sitting in the back of your mind or something that you’re having trouble pursuing. Ask yourself some challenging questions like above cause i guarantee you’re going to answer some questions and then you’ll erase that after you see it on paper you’ll be like- uhh no thats not what I want. I’m rooting for you.

What really set in with me and hit my heart was whether or not your belief about yourself is positive or negative you will have the evidence to support it. I changed my “I don’t have time, I’m too busy” to “I can find time to do what is important to me”. Please go out and reframe your beliefs that are keeping you from your goals. If you think that you suck then you will also have the feelings to support that. Change can be rewarding especially if you have a plan for it.